Hard Times

Hello! These last few days have definitely been some of the hardest of my life. The problem is, I cannot sit due to a little accident. Everytime I try to sit, I feel a sting in my bottom. And if I'm absent minded, and just drop my rear in the sofa like I normally do after a long day of petanque and Martini, it feels like the whole prison has found me picking up the soap.

My grandson Petteri has definitely taken everything out of my agony. Yesterday he said he had a surprise for me. He told me to get in the car. I said I can't sit in a car right now, but he insisted and told it's really worth it. So, I crawled to the backseat lying on my side, facing the bench. As if that had not been humiliating enough, he left me in a parking lot in the front of the bank for awhile. I just kept chanting, 'This is going to cost you a lot of beer, boy!'

After all, we ended up in a shoe store. Petteri said he had to buy some wax and asked me to join, because we were near our destination. I was still standing by the door, while Petteri had already ran to the clerk - a very lovely looking young lady, by the way - telling her something and pointing at me. The lady came to me and said, 'We have the best collection of Dr Martens in town. This way, please!' Oh my, I thought, desperately looking for a way out of the situation, only to see Petteri lurking out of the side door!! I remembered having told Petteri many times, that I needed a new pair of Martens. Now he was taking advantage of that.

The lady took me by the hand and led me to the Martens rack. She suggested me a pair, and asked how I liked them. Looks nice, I said. She handed them to me for fitting. I dropped them on the floor and tried to bow down to put them on my feet. No way. So I told her I have this uhhh...condition. She went down, started putting the boots on me, her beautiful long blond hair swinging around my middle section. I just stood there helpless, and found myself blushing. At the same moment I fixated on the window: Petteri was standing there finger pointing at me, laughing a silent laugh! Damn it!! The red of humiliation on my face started to turn into the red of anger.

At last the lady got the shoes tied. I took a few steps and asked how much they are. Two ninety-nine, she told. 'Ok, I take these.' I indicated Petteri to come in. 'I think you want to pay these', I said to him. He nodded trying to keep a straight face. To my delight, I noticed a faint sting in his expression when he heard the price.

On our way back home, Petteri asked me if I was happy now. 'Of course', I said, 'I got a new pair of shoes! Are you happy?' He kept silent.

Well, I know I've done quite a many funny things on him, and I know he's legitimate to give me my share, too. To tell the truth, I am happy to see him developing an eye for creating this kind of situations. I think he'll turn out a really fine man when he gets to my age!!


Next time I'll tell you how I got those four stitches on my behind!

-Grandpa