While still awaiting a report of Grandpa's angling trip, I thought we could dig a bit deeper into Grandpa's history. Here are three cases, that come to my mind, when I was unusually embarrassed by my Grandpa. There must be many more, and some might be even worse, but these came across right now.
1. Picking up Grandpa from the police station, after he got caught stealing his friend's car.
Grandpa and his pal Eino got this brilliant idea, that they were going to steal their good friend Olli's old crappy Lada 1200, drive it to their mechanic friend so he can install air conditioning to it, and bring the car back before the next morning, which was Olli's birthday. Of course, the neighbors called the police when they saw the two men hustling with the car locks. The police came, put the men in jail for the night, and after a lot of confusion and mediation, they were just given a small fine and let go.
Grandpa called me from the station and told me to pick him up. I went down there, asked for him, and they said he was already released, and they had saw him walk into the bar over the street. I almost said, 'Really, that's not my real grandpa', but I know we look too alike.
I found him in the darkest corner of that bar. All he said was, 'I think it's better not to tell your dad.' We went home in quietude.
2. Finding my Grandpa passed out in a men's room of a restaurant.
This was the only time I've seen him really drunk. Although he probably drinks more beer than water, he usually manages to stay reasonably sober. That day he invited me to have dinner with him in a nice sea food restaurant. I went there, and found him already quite soused. Grandma had left town to visit some relatives, and Grandpa took everything out of the situation.
We ate good, and Grandpa drank good, too. After finishing our herrings, Grandpa went for a pee. I was reading a magazine, and didn't notice the time passing by. Then a waiter came to me, and asked, 'Is that your grandfather in the toilet?' I said yes, realizing he'd been gone for a good while. 'I think he has passed out', the waiter said. Oh my god, I thought, and got all red in the face.
There he was, sitting on a toilet seat, snoring. I woke him up, and lead him out of the men's room. Then I asked for his wallet, and paid our dinner.
Afterwards he was very sorry. He bought me a new watch to make it up.
3. A couple of attractive girls commenting on my Grandpa's ass.
This happened a few years ago, before I had met my wife. We were at a beach with my Mom, Dad and Grandpa on a sunny summer day. I had been eying this nice looking girl sitting there with a friend. But just as I was about to go over to change a few words, the girls headed for the dressing booths to leave. At the same moment, Grandpa decides to go to change his swim trunks on.
I was standing by the showers, when I saw Grandpa with the two girls coming from the booths chatting with each other. I thought, what the heck!?! Grandpa said hi to the girls and went swimming. But the girls saw me, and walked by. 'Nice ass your grandpa's got there!', the other girl said. They went away giggling.
I never asked Grandpa what had happened by the booths. To tell the truth, I don't even want to know.
-Petteri
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Stitches
Hello again! I promised to tell you about those stitches. I haven't got much time to write right now, because my pal Jamppa is coming to pick me up by taxi soon. We plan to go angling.
To the stitches...I was visiting my friend Akseli that day. He and his wife have a beautiful little farmhouse just a few kilometers out of town. They've got a couple of sheep, a few chicken and even an old pony at their yard for the grandchildren. It's a nice place to swig away a hot summer day.
I was picking up flowers and some fancy looking hay for the wife, when Akseli asked me to go see his Ford Anglia in the barn. Once out of his lady's field of vision, he took out a bottle of Scotch and handed it over. So, I stuffed the flowers in my rear pocket and took a good pull.
Back in the yard, I bowed down to marvel at a freaky centipede. At the same time, I felt an enormous sting in my buttock. Before I even knew it, I had turned around and punched the poor thing in the face. That was when it occurred to me what had happened: a sheep had seen a lunch sticking out of my rear pocket and sinked it's teeth in it! Then it ran around swaying, after receiving such a nasty punch. Although I was in pain, I felt quite sorry for it.
Akseli had to take me to the hospital. They patched my rear together, and sent me home to sip some Cognac.
Now the stitches have been removed, and I can sit on a case of beer by the river again. I just love angling! Who knows, we might even get our hooks in the water this time...
-Grandpa
To the stitches...I was visiting my friend Akseli that day. He and his wife have a beautiful little farmhouse just a few kilometers out of town. They've got a couple of sheep, a few chicken and even an old pony at their yard for the grandchildren. It's a nice place to swig away a hot summer day.
I was picking up flowers and some fancy looking hay for the wife, when Akseli asked me to go see his Ford Anglia in the barn. Once out of his lady's field of vision, he took out a bottle of Scotch and handed it over. So, I stuffed the flowers in my rear pocket and took a good pull.
Back in the yard, I bowed down to marvel at a freaky centipede. At the same time, I felt an enormous sting in my buttock. Before I even knew it, I had turned around and punched the poor thing in the face. That was when it occurred to me what had happened: a sheep had seen a lunch sticking out of my rear pocket and sinked it's teeth in it! Then it ran around swaying, after receiving such a nasty punch. Although I was in pain, I felt quite sorry for it.
Akseli had to take me to the hospital. They patched my rear together, and sent me home to sip some Cognac.
Now the stitches have been removed, and I can sit on a case of beer by the river again. I just love angling! Who knows, we might even get our hooks in the water this time...
-Grandpa
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Hard Times
Hello! These last few days have definitely been some of the hardest of my life. The problem is, I cannot sit due to a little accident. Everytime I try to sit, I feel a sting in my bottom. And if I'm absent minded, and just drop my rear in the sofa like I normally do after a long day of petanque and Martini, it feels like the whole prison has found me picking up the soap.
My grandson Petteri has definitely taken everything out of my agony. Yesterday he said he had a surprise for me. He told me to get in the car. I said I can't sit in a car right now, but he insisted and told it's really worth it. So, I crawled to the backseat lying on my side, facing the bench. As if that had not been humiliating enough, he left me in a parking lot in the front of the bank for awhile. I just kept chanting, 'This is going to cost you a lot of beer, boy!'
After all, we ended up in a shoe store. Petteri said he had to buy some wax and asked me to join, because we were near our destination. I was still standing by the door, while Petteri had already ran to the clerk - a very lovely looking young lady, by the way - telling her something and pointing at me. The lady came to me and said, 'We have the best collection of Dr Martens in town. This way, please!' Oh my, I thought, desperately looking for a way out of the situation, only to see Petteri lurking out of the side door!! I remembered having told Petteri many times, that I needed a new pair of Martens. Now he was taking advantage of that.
The lady took me by the hand and led me to the Martens rack. She suggested me a pair, and asked how I liked them. Looks nice, I said. She handed them to me for fitting. I dropped them on the floor and tried to bow down to put them on my feet. No way. So I told her I have this uhhh...condition. She went down, started putting the boots on me, her beautiful long blond hair swinging around my middle section. I just stood there helpless, and found myself blushing. At the same moment I fixated on the window: Petteri was standing there finger pointing at me, laughing a silent laugh! Damn it!! The red of humiliation on my face started to turn into the red of anger.
At last the lady got the shoes tied. I took a few steps and asked how much they are. Two ninety-nine, she told. 'Ok, I take these.' I indicated Petteri to come in. 'I think you want to pay these', I said to him. He nodded trying to keep a straight face. To my delight, I noticed a faint sting in his expression when he heard the price.
On our way back home, Petteri asked me if I was happy now. 'Of course', I said, 'I got a new pair of shoes! Are you happy?' He kept silent.
Well, I know I've done quite a many funny things on him, and I know he's legitimate to give me my share, too. To tell the truth, I am happy to see him developing an eye for creating this kind of situations. I think he'll turn out a really fine man when he gets to my age!!
Next time I'll tell you how I got those four stitches on my behind!
-Grandpa
My grandson Petteri has definitely taken everything out of my agony. Yesterday he said he had a surprise for me. He told me to get in the car. I said I can't sit in a car right now, but he insisted and told it's really worth it. So, I crawled to the backseat lying on my side, facing the bench. As if that had not been humiliating enough, he left me in a parking lot in the front of the bank for awhile. I just kept chanting, 'This is going to cost you a lot of beer, boy!'
After all, we ended up in a shoe store. Petteri said he had to buy some wax and asked me to join, because we were near our destination. I was still standing by the door, while Petteri had already ran to the clerk - a very lovely looking young lady, by the way - telling her something and pointing at me. The lady came to me and said, 'We have the best collection of Dr Martens in town. This way, please!' Oh my, I thought, desperately looking for a way out of the situation, only to see Petteri lurking out of the side door!! I remembered having told Petteri many times, that I needed a new pair of Martens. Now he was taking advantage of that.
The lady took me by the hand and led me to the Martens rack. She suggested me a pair, and asked how I liked them. Looks nice, I said. She handed them to me for fitting. I dropped them on the floor and tried to bow down to put them on my feet. No way. So I told her I have this uhhh...condition. She went down, started putting the boots on me, her beautiful long blond hair swinging around my middle section. I just stood there helpless, and found myself blushing. At the same moment I fixated on the window: Petteri was standing there finger pointing at me, laughing a silent laugh! Damn it!! The red of humiliation on my face started to turn into the red of anger.
At last the lady got the shoes tied. I took a few steps and asked how much they are. Two ninety-nine, she told. 'Ok, I take these.' I indicated Petteri to come in. 'I think you want to pay these', I said to him. He nodded trying to keep a straight face. To my delight, I noticed a faint sting in his expression when he heard the price.
On our way back home, Petteri asked me if I was happy now. 'Of course', I said, 'I got a new pair of shoes! Are you happy?' He kept silent.
Well, I know I've done quite a many funny things on him, and I know he's legitimate to give me my share, too. To tell the truth, I am happy to see him developing an eye for creating this kind of situations. I think he'll turn out a really fine man when he gets to my age!!
Next time I'll tell you how I got those four stitches on my behind!
-Grandpa
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Hello everyone and welcome to the blog!!
Let me first tell you a bit more about the old guy. He is my dad's dad, and my only living grandfather. Since his childhood he has been quite action-packed. Before he took off by a cargo ship at the age of fifteen, he was an avid ski jumper. As a remainder of those days, he has problems with his knees. Although surprisingly healthy for his age and drinking habits, he has a heart condition, which keeps him off the craziest stuff like drunken reindeer riding. I think my Grandma is secretly pleased about that.
Grandpa has always had a great love for pranks. There's so many he's done on me that I really can't count. A couple of weeks ago he did a quite funny one. We were at our summer cottage with a few of my friends, and Grandpa decides to show up. He'd told Granny that they have to bring us some beer for the sauna. Grandma wanted to pick some blueberries and accepted the proposition. Of course she didn't know by then that we got only one beer each, and Grandpa had a case plus a bottle of whiskey provided for himself. Well, I think she should've guessed.
Anyways, we sat by the fire, and Grandpa drank his beer telling stories about Rio and Amsterdam in the 50s. That was fun alright, but I eagerly waited to get my hands on his bottle of whiskey. After all the beer, he couldn't be able to consume the hot sauce anymore. So I waited...
It was about half past ten, when he retired to the cottage. I still waited for a good half an hour, until I sneaked into his bedroom and found the whiskey bottle lying there almost full. I grabbed it and creeped out to the porch. My plan was the classic: drink some and put some tea in the place. I told the guys to gather around for the good stuff. Triumphantly, I raised the bottle to my lips and took a mouthful - of TEA!!! What the F??!?!!
While still totally confused and spitting the tea to the ground, Grandpa shows up in the doorway laughing his lungs off!! The bastard! He'd let me taste my own medicine. 'I know you, son, I know you!' he cried and went back to sleep.
Yeah, that's my Grandpa at his purest. And I love the man, like (almost) everybody else does.
-Petteri
Grandpa has always had a great love for pranks. There's so many he's done on me that I really can't count. A couple of weeks ago he did a quite funny one. We were at our summer cottage with a few of my friends, and Grandpa decides to show up. He'd told Granny that they have to bring us some beer for the sauna. Grandma wanted to pick some blueberries and accepted the proposition. Of course she didn't know by then that we got only one beer each, and Grandpa had a case plus a bottle of whiskey provided for himself. Well, I think she should've guessed.
Anyways, we sat by the fire, and Grandpa drank his beer telling stories about Rio and Amsterdam in the 50s. That was fun alright, but I eagerly waited to get my hands on his bottle of whiskey. After all the beer, he couldn't be able to consume the hot sauce anymore. So I waited...
It was about half past ten, when he retired to the cottage. I still waited for a good half an hour, until I sneaked into his bedroom and found the whiskey bottle lying there almost full. I grabbed it and creeped out to the porch. My plan was the classic: drink some and put some tea in the place. I told the guys to gather around for the good stuff. Triumphantly, I raised the bottle to my lips and took a mouthful - of TEA!!! What the F??!?!!
While still totally confused and spitting the tea to the ground, Grandpa shows up in the doorway laughing his lungs off!! The bastard! He'd let me taste my own medicine. 'I know you, son, I know you!' he cried and went back to sleep.
Yeah, that's my Grandpa at his purest. And I love the man, like (almost) everybody else does.
-Petteri
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